1. You are probably too tired to read this – For a new baby
  2. You are half the man you used to be – For losing weight
  3. Welcome back! – For returning from a trip
  4. So, you have some free time now… – For losing a job
  5. Enjoy your new office – For getting a job
  6. You are really good at sportsball – For a sports victory
  7. May you have many more! – For winning the Nobel Prize
  8. Don’t worry, you will see them soon enough – For a death in the family
  9. Well done on fulfilling your genetic imperative! – For having a child
  10. Enjoy your pair-bonding! – For a wedding
  11. I hope this one works out better than the last one – For a marriage
  12. Congratulations on your 10,000th follower – for twitter
  13. Finally old enough for Facebook – 13th Birthday card
  14. No more faking your age – 18th Birthday card
  15. We are glad you are not dead yet! – 90th Birthday card
  16. Free at last! – For quitting
  17. You will find many new ‘friends’ – For winning the lottery
  18. May you get good reviews! – For publishing a book
  19. Change is scary! – For just about anything
  20. Remember to recycle – For any card